What gives......

I always believed that following rules and doing everything by the book would keep you out of trouble and help you lead a more stress free life. I really banked on that idea. I never lie...more like I can't lie. I can't even lie to my husband about what i had for dinner. But this form of karma I was building could do nothing but good for me in the long run....or so I thought. This life of diligence really nipped me in the bud today. I follow the rules with gusto on this one out of fear of what happened today and I feel my whole system.....a system I was sure was designed to leave me with absolute zero doubt or worry.....came crashing down today. So now even if I am a good citizen and do the right things, which are NEVER the fun ones, I still have a chance of getting my face shoved into the dirt. I.AM.NOT.A.HAPPY.CAMPER.

screwed......

Sometimes I wonder if everything is a trade. You trade great friends and no man for a man but no friends. Great family but no job for a job that keeps you from your family. A simple life with no success for great success that complicates your life. This "either-or" complex life operates on just doesn't seem good enough. There has got to be a better way, SURELY there is a way to have it all. Right? (sigh)

I actually get annoyed at people who say they can have it all. Showoffs.

darn copier

So I got chewed out by an old lady because I can't properly work the copy machine. "Oh I thought the secretary knew how to use the copy machine," she says. "Can I ask someone who knows for you? I just figured part of your training would be how to use a copier." This is my first office job and the fact that I have lived 25 years without conforming to a life of post it notes, multi-lined phones and COPY MACHINES should be reason for praise. It would be silly of me to think my lack of experience would go without ridicule but.....sigh....whatever. This is what I get for starting my adult work life in radio, absolutely no experience for anything else. Transition times are SO FUN. (sarcasm intended)

I cant do titles. I should get a thesaurus.

My new boss just asked me for a catchy title for his sermon this sunday. "You're a writer," he says, "come up with something catchy for me." He sits there staring at me waiting for me to pop something off the top of my head and when I don't come up with anything in 30 seconds he sends me back to my office with somewhat frustration and dissapointment in his voice. After all I AM A WRITER. This has happened to me before. I mention that I write and people ask me for input and I always freeze up. The thing is, it's easier for me to write about something that Ive been able to brainstorm about for more than a milisecond. And titles have never been my thing, I can hardly title these blog posts. But I guess until I can provide shotgun titles and ideas on a whim for whomever it may concern my credibility is on the line. That's a lot of missed opportunity to be cheated out of. How rediculous.

Im back-ish

So I have been chasing this ambition of being a writer by taking a gig writing about bridal fashion for Examiner.com so what free time I have after finding a day job I have been dedicating to that column and not this blog. I chose Bridal fashion for the website because well.....it's easy for me. Maybe Im still wrapped up in it because I never got a wedding but I like to write and it's something I can pump out articles about so it works. I make practically no money doing it but so it goes when chasing dreams. As for my new day job, at least the hours are good. I keep reminding myself that I am still young and everything now will change....I find comfort in that. I wish everyday we lived in Texas, especially now that it's summer Id give anything for my friends. I don't mesh with military people. I'm ready for the weekend.

aspiration complication.......

As I continue my search for employment I am getting a feel of what I really wanna do with myself......while searching for a job so that I can make money in the meantime. As much as I want to do great things with myself professionally, whatever I am granted success in will never be worth my holidays, family gatherings and vacations with my husband. Even though we all do it, I don't think any job is worth sacrificing those events. I'm sure nothing I could do in the office could top my first trip to Europe or come close to beholding the ancient pyramids with my own eyes. In the grand scheme of things my job will always ultimately be that thing I do so that I can do everything else. I have big aspirations for my career, but bigger aspirations for my life.

Great Expectations.....

How was life before movies? Really. Movies have set the standard for how we gage our lives. Disney single handedly shaped our expectations of love. What did people expect out of love before Disney? Left to their own devices, with no outside influences, was life any different? What did women expect out of a relationship before they knew they could be "swept off their feet" or "carried off into the sunset." Disney could have single-handedly killed relationships because he gave women too many expectations. And you know how I feel about expectations, they are the biggest buzz kill you could ever bestow on a relationship and a successful relationship is best made without them. The minute you expect something out of someone you are ruining a good thing. If what you expected to happen manifests itself then great! But when it doesn't you have given yourself unnecessary disappointment and created doubt in your other half. But ALWAYS expect great things in yourself, because if no one ever had great expectations for themselves we wouldn't have the movies. And even though they blur the lines between fantasy and reality they help us to dream....and I have nothing against dreaming.

suck it grocery store

Today I battled my most hated nemesis again.....the grocery store, with the added obstacle of rain. As I wiggled in between my car and the one next to it parked incredibly too close, trying not to rub my clean jeans against this guys passenger door coated in damp red dirt, I had my usual thought...."Why isn't someone doing this for me?" I thought that if my husband had made this trip he wouldn't be having as much trouble as I was. He wouldn't be struggling to see through the raincoat hood that was sheltering styled hair, or shuffling as fast as he could on wet concrete in heels, or struggling with the weight of his purchase and falling bra straps. Is it hard because I'm a girl? Or is it hard because I make it hard? Grocery shopping is always a struggle for me and today it extra sucked. It was supposed to rain all day today but it only ended up raining for about half an hour.....the half an hour I went to the store.

Bank Tell All

Has anyone ever applied for a job at a bank? It almost isn't worth the guarantee of having Sundays and all government holidays off. I applied for a teller position yesterday and after I uploaded my resume AS WELL as entered my entire job history from the past 3 years I began their "survey." This is never a "survey" or a "questionnaire," it is a test. A previous bank I had applied to had a "survey" of 65 questions, which was work enough, but the bank I was applying to yesterday fed me a "survey" of 106 questions! It was everything from a psychological profile to an algebra review. It took me an hour and a half and by the time I finished all the stupid bank's application requirements I didn't even want the job anymore. But I did experience a feeling I haven't felt in years. The post test - self-esteem took a hit - brain is tired - what the FRIK was that - feeling.


Hi Christie, Candice, Hailey and Leanne. Thanks for reading!

Time.......

Time has become a slippery, tricky, beast of a thing lately. The seasons can't even keep up seeing as how we had a blizzard on the first day of spring today. And since we are all eager for a change of scenery this was the extra pinch of discouragement on the mound of cabin fever we are trying to brush off our shoulders. As another and another and another day passes and I still don't have the super human ability to stop time so that I can do some catch up work, I actually get increasingly annoyed. I don't expect the world to stop turning but for goodness sake......could it meet me in the middle somewhere? As I was pounding the elyptical and contimplating this whole subject I realized time does stand still, in one place.......our hearts. Time can freeze for years in there and we don't have any more control over what files itself away than we have control over the seasons.....however confused they may be. But what's there stays until you can catch up to it, and only when you fully grasp what's in your heart will you be able to move on. And THAT is how I wish I could live my days, with time to catch my breath. I get it though. We need to be on someone else's ticker, because if we weren't we'd all be a bloody mess. (sry I watched a Harry Potter marathon today)

Jobs....

I think you can always file "looking for a job" as low points in your life. It's like as soon as you're single everyone seems to be paired up, and as soon as you're unemployed even the least likely to be working are. You feel left out, useless, unproductive and invisible so of course selling yourself to employers is something you are in tip top shape to do. It seems weird that a complete stranger has the authority to bestow a paycheck upon you when they aren't even evaluating you on the traits that matter. It isn't enough to ask them for a position because you are trapped in a society that runs on money which is, when you get down to it, the only reason you are seeking employment. No, you must sugar coat your enthusiasm for some minimum wage position and convince the interviewer that you're wearing the same rose colored glasses as they are. In short, I guess, I'm just tired of all the niceities about necessities. You need a job and you'll work hard so that you can enjoy the more important things in life. That's all there should be to it.

St. Patties

I find St. Patrick's Day an obnoxious holiday. I don't like to be told to wear green, I would prefer that be my choice. But if I don't my punishment is death by pinching. I don't like things that turn my mouth colors. I never liked those paintbrush lollipops or blue sno-cones so I certainly don't fancy green beer. Does this make me a square? Quite possibly. But what's new? I am a fan, however, of excuses to drink so the day isn't a complete loss. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Today I was eating lunch on my big over sized chair watching TV when a termite commercial come on presenting it's first image of a close up of a queen termite and her engorged thorax 3 times the size of her body dumping out eggs. Having a mouthful of reduced calorie lasagna this sends me into a panic. What my eyes were seeing in combination with what was in my mouth and being completely grossed out but still chewing out of pure reflex at this point. The assault on my late lunch continued for an entire minute. What are these ad people thinking?! That's not the only gross out commercial cruising the air waves. Those NyQuil ads with people gurgling and drooling in their sleep are atrocious as well. Know your audience. Americans are the fattest and laziest people on the planet OF COURSE we are going to be eating in front of the TV at one point. Is nothing safe anymore?! Sheesh.

Kilgore...only good for mini-vacay

I have been on a press tour of sorts for the past week. Wedding to see college friends, then Dallas to spend time with sisters, lunch to catch up with a friend who just got married, on to Kilgore to see parents and friends with new babies, and a stop in Tyler to see another college friend's new place. Oklahoma is a fair bit of a drive so I figured if I was coming down I might as well cover all my bases. It's always nice to be back in Texas, no one stares at my Driver's License like it's a stinkin passport. I am currently in Kilgore and and every time I come home from wherever I might be doing my living the town seems to be getting smaller, not in size....just smaller. I did the "rounds" with my mother, she took me to all the little stores on Main Street in downtown. I was incredibly impressed with the the stuff my sleepy town had to offer since I'd been gone. Who couldn't love a shop who sold me the sparkliest beeswax candlesticks I have ever seen! They come complete with a pair of my husband's rolled eyes I'm sure. The thing I love most about visiting Kilgore is my parent's house, the best thing about it is the silence. The peacefulness is so intoxicating that I don't search for the remote, I rummage through my mom's book cases for a book to read and enjoy the sun pouring through her picture windows. But as much as I have respect for the people who enjoy this sweet town, the best thing about visiting Kilgore for me......is leaving it.

19 year me would be dissapointed in 25 year old me......

It's that time for spring break again, I had totally forgotten. When I was in college I never had the money to go on your typical spring break bonanza. My parents paid for my college but not for a spring break....I was terribly deprived. (kidding) Since I never went on a spring break I lived vicariously through all those kids on MTV and thought that all that craziness at spring break must be the most fun ever. I just flipped through the channels and came across the annual MTV spring break coverage and it was as typical as any year but now it didn't seem like such a rootin tootin time to me. It looked like a bunch of hot sweaty people probably reeking of beer crammed into a ridiculously small space jamming to music that's way too loud. It was one of those moments when I was blindsided by my own dullness. But all those things at spring break are things I don't need anymore. I don't need the loud mediocre live music, there is enough going on in my head. I don't need sweaty drunk guys hitting on me, I already have one. What I DO need is a serene stretch of beach with a chair and fruity drink......and a pretty summer dress wouldn't hurt either.

Erin Rationalpants

I have always had a very rational mind. I have to have everything figured out, there must be a method to the madness. I have this memory when I was maybe 4 and I walked out in the backyard with my mother without a shirt on and she told me I couldn't be outside without a shirt. "My dad goes outside without a shirt," I thought to myself, "Why in the world can't I? Directions are very black and white to me, I have always been very diligent at following the rules. Once when when I was around 12 or so we went to the butterfly pavilion at the Houston Natural History Museum and we were briefed beforehand about watching where you walk so that you don't step on the butterflies because they are very delicate. I focused so hard on watching where I stepped that the only thing I remember of that trip was how humid it was and the image of my feet walking on the pavement making sure not to harm any butterflies. I never did well in math because my teachers could never give me a good reason why we go about solving problems in the sequence we do.....that's just the way it was and I always thought that was ludicrous. I routinely watch all bonus features after a movie to know exactly how they did it all. I even ask how stuff works at the doctor's office. The only thing I have no desire to figure out are automobiles. I could care less why it's broken I just want it fixed. I need to befriend a good mechanic, that and a hair stylist. Because you are always looking for trustworthy people to fix your car and cut your hair.

Hoarders.....

I saw ANOTHER commercial for that "Hoarders" show today and had the usual reaction......disgust. What in the world possesses these people to hold onto so many things that it's stacked so high their windows no longer bring in natural light and clearing a path is the only way to navigate their home? But then I thought, most of us might not have all the visible clutter but we are still hoarders....emotional hoarders. Call it holding a grudge or a complete disregard for forgiving and forgetting but some of us never throw feelings away and that's just as disgusting as the other hoarders. If only our hearts were as easy to de-clutter as our homes. (sigh) It is spring cleaning time anyway, and I bet letting in some light would do us all some good.

DWTS.......

I jokingly commented on Facebook today that I was gonna be on Dancing With The Stars because Erin Andrews the sports reporter is set to be on the upcoming season and Andrews is my married name.....which was lots of fun when she was going through her scandal. A friend of mine saw my status and believed it to be true, after a few text messages the misunderstanding was cleared up but it made me think. I couldn't be further from being on Dancing With The Stars because first I would have to become famous to be a has-been....and that could take years. I replied to my friend's inquiring text with, "Nothing that eventful would happen in my life." And as soon as I typed it I felt very sad. That's the kind of comment that musters up that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Besides the fact that I hate Dancing With The Stars and the only time I watched it was that summer I had rabbit ears and could only get one channel, if I ever was a has-been I'd probably do it because I like to dance too much......and could probably loose the 30 pounds.

I take what I can get.....

One of the apps I downloaded on my new magic iPhone was a superficially indulgent Bergdorf Goodman shoe app. You get to practically window shop a different shoe everyday so the set up is perfect seeing as how I could never afford any of them. Today's shoe was a Manolo camel colored penny loafer that looked exactly like the ones I bought from Payless when I was 9. Who wears this shoe.....Park Avenue librarians? And here's the kicker, they cost $650. They are loafers, Manolo should reduce the price for lack of creativity. Now I can justify spending crazy amounts of money on clothes but if I ever dropped $600 on loafers I don't think I'd have a leg to stand on. Unless I was one of those Park Avenue librarians....and they made my new glasses look awesome or something.

Abra kadabra........phone!

Today my husband woke me up as soon as he returned from his night shift all bright eyed and bushy tailed to wake me up. Today was the day we would use our extra influx of government cash to upgrade our cell phones. We came out of the store as champions, the phones we wanted we were able to get and we were as giddy as school children and just as anxious to get home and play with our new toys. We had said our goodbyes at the store because we knew we wouldn't be speaking the rest of the day.......we would be completely immersed in our palm sized feats of technology. And now I type this entry from my spankin new iPhone, which is really great, but I'm exhausted from wrapping my head around everything this technological crystal ball does.

Thank you TCM......

I love old movies. I can't believe it took me this long to get into them but now I am catching up on all he movies I've heard my mother talk about and as is the usual epiphany with her......she was right. "Breakfast at Tiffany's" rocked my world and as ashamed as I am to say it I just this year saw "Singing in the Rain" and it was brilliant. "The Graduate" was a little creepy for me but "Under the Yum Yum Tree" was quite delightful. It is true I judge a good movie by how fabulous the clothes are and the gowns are so fantastic in classic films I am constantly engaged to see what they will wear next. Also the social decorum is so foreign that it's a thrill to watch. The dialogue is almost as hard to follow as a European film but the insults are incredibly more creative which makes it all the more entertaining. Since I'm a history buff I love watching films from these amazing time periods as they are happening, I find it....for lack of a better word...COOL! Plus classic films are such a breath of fresh air from the usual daily programming.

wedding date.....

It never fails to amaze me how men dread attending a wedding. We don't ask you to make the time and arrangements to come with us to get kicks out of watching you squirm.....we want you there....we need you there. They are occasions we get to be all dressed up with our man and if we're lucky...you'll actually dance with us. We get to sit in a romantic setting and enjoy fabulous food and drink as a couple. It's the best free date ever. And as for you, all you have to do is tolerate a tie, kiss me when the bride and groom look happier than us, drink free booze and 3 hours later when we arrive home get some because your wife is on a romance high. Really men, weddings are like the best untapped resource. Learn it. Live it.

Avatar.......

I finally made the pilgrimage to see Avatar, and in IMAX 3-D for that matter, which was a super choice on my part since I fair so well when overstimulated. I nearly jumped out of my seat when the fancy theater speaker promo came on which got laughs from everyone I came with including my husband. "Shut up and drink your gallon of icee," I told him. After a few previews I concluded that this was NOT like at the zoo when we saw the whales in 3-D, this was an attack on my senses. I don't watch action movies because they send my anxiety into overdrive, I am way too empathic and feel every character and very quickly get emotionally exhausted. Half way through the film I have already given Ricky hand cramps from squeezing so hard so he takes it back, at which time I begin to attack his thigh. There was one point when the soldiers were invading my lap at the end that I thought..."I wonder what I would look like in 3-D?" "No wait, that's real life you idiot." When the movie ended I just went limp in my chair. I was exhausted, I had been tense for the last 3 hours....scared ****less by alien dinosaurs, cried, ached....the whole nine yards. And for a genre I don't care for the film was AMAZING. I so wanted to hate it because I had heard all the hype. Spending $500 million on a movie....who did James Cameron think he was? A friggen genius that's what! The alien world he created was like I was watching the best dream I ever had but not in the back of my head, in front of my eyes taking in every color and detail. It essentially was a historical documentary just set in the future, and since we are in Oklahoma,"The Native State," I couldn't help but think there were Indians somewhere in that theater just exploding inside during the war at the end. The actress who played the lead alien girl was A-MAZ-ING. Her performance was purely voice, you never saw her face and the emotion she delivered for that character was incredible. I also thought that the soldier guy's avatar looked like Justin Timberlake when he smiled. I wish the whole movie could have been glow in the dark night scenes, jellyfish butterflies and flying scenes through the floating mountains. That's when the 3-D was good, most other scenes having the 3-D was evil. It makes me tired to think that James Cameron had to create that world from scratch, it makes perfect sense that it took years to create that movie. I wish I could have been at the premiere, after the film there must have been an uproar of thunderous standing ovation applause and no one does that anymore at the movies. I clapped though.....cause the film deserved it.

fast food......

I know I can't be the only one alone in the fact that I make huge life decisions based on whether or not to eat fast food. Today, on my surprisingly great hair day, in which I did nothing but do my tax return and visit the AT&T store I devoured a Chinese buffet for dinner and in the wake of my weakness I indulged my craving for Taco Bueno later tonight. My reasoning was I had worked out 3 times this week but am now in a post fast food pit of regret. But ya know what? A girl just has to indulge sometimes. I'm not gonna be ashamed to be whatever degree of vain I am. I like the "Erin Special" at Taco Bueno (2 bean burritos with hot sauce), it's been this stress eater's back up since high school. And sesame chicken is the most amazing concoction those blessed immigrants brought to our country for us to Americanize into what I devoured tonight with a tear in my eye. I may have two weddings to attend in 3 weeks in which two strapless dresses are involved but today I ate, I indulged, I ENJOYED. Thank you America and GOODNIGHT.

mens figure skating......

Men's figure skating is the event of the moment at the Olympics. I'm watching playing that game in my head where I try to pick out which ones are gay. When did all men's figure skaters become Asian? Even the ones not from Japan are of the persuasion and every time they announce the Japanese guy's names it makes me want Sushi. The music has been surprisingly entertaining. The french guy even skated to Techno. I used to think I'd have to go into business remixing music for skaters and gymnasts because it was so darn boring. And the next guy on deck to skate is wearing a black unitard with a deep V-ed chest that's laced up with a hot pink thread. That's special......oh and he's the American. God Bless America.

Local News.......snooooze

Local news programs are something fierce.......fiercely annoying. Out of all the places I've lived and been the only interesting nightly news I've come across was in New York City. But anything that happens there is exciting so that's not really fair. The women anchors need to be more creative than a power suit and should loose the neck jewelry. Speak to me like a person and not some poor imitation of your male co-anchor and what is that snobby twinkle they always have in their eye? I am constantly bombarded with commercials for helicopters and Doppler Radars as if I've never seen a news team with one in my life and should set to TIVO pronto to check out this magic of which they speak of. The promo for my news tonight included a story of which to warn us that Oklahoma is not only prone to tornadoes but also earthquakes with the graphic in the back being the state of Oklahoma breaking in two, and also a stunning human interest piece about "Awake Lipo." What am I supposed to say to myself? "MMMM can't wait!I'm sure I'm gonna go to bed with thoughts of sugar plum fairies and gum drops." News is useful for weather and for tuning in if you are gonna be on it.....because who doesn't wanna see themselves waving like a maniac from behind the shoulder of a reporter doing a story on location.

Valentines program......

Nestled in the bombardment of love themed programming yesterday was a special on TLC called "Sextistics." We all know the divorce rate is a staggering 51% but did you know that the age you get married is a big contributing factor? People that marry in their 40's have a 7% failure rate, 30's a 17% failure rate and for the rest of us betrothed in our 20's a whopping 72% failure rate. Super! Another interesting tid bit was that a man with a large income is 80% more likely to be unfaithful. What men were they polling?! That's depressing. Marriages in which both sets of parents had successful marriages have an 80% success rate. We all know that sex improves relationships but if you increase your intake from once a month to once a week you will have as much satisfaction in life as if you earned an additional $80,000 dollars a year. It really does make your life richer. So there you are......silly stats for consumption. Take to heart at your own risk because whatever relationship you are in cannot be defined by statistics.

minority wife.......

Trying to make friends as a civilian military wife with no children isn't the easiest thing in the world to do because every woman in the military is either enlisted, has children, or both. I try my darndest to fit in with these ladies to aquire some girlfriends but I just can't come out looking anything but socially awkward. I try to relate to the moms with anything I can muster but usually just end up putting my foot in my mouth. And trying to follow the office antics and jargon of military personnel leaves me frustrated as my head tries to follow the conversation like the crowd at a tennis match. I miss my girlfriends who got my jokes, enjoyed a bottle of wine any day of the week, a pathetically sappy flick and a good shopping trip. But mostly I miss my girlfriends who got my jokes.

Olympics....

As I'm watching the opening ceremonys for the winter olympics I'm not really seeing anything in this tribute to their country that I don't already know about Canada....beacause it's just so similar to the U.S. Canada doesn't strike me as unique so I'm quite bored. Don't get me wrong I don't dislike Canada. When I think of Canada I think of a gentle and relaxing country. Canadian TV is wildy entertaining. I havent watched a Canadian TV show I haven't gotten completely addicted to. Heck, 80% of HGTV is Canadian. I don't get the whole hockey thing but I can pronounce my "O's" in that way they do with the best of 'em. I love maple syrup and their bacon is my favorite lower calorie pizza topping. And I love pizza.

Starbucks Breakdown

I'm starting to understand the whole Starbucks coffee thing. With so many options and combinations you slide from order counter to pick up counter with the same relief on your brow as when you passed your college exams. There are so many ways to personalize your order that it becomes you, not in a nutshell, but a coffee cup. Extra espresso for the extra expressive, non fat sugar free for the diet soda drinkers, that is, if they haven't devoured one that morning already, seasonal drinks for the festive and joyful, soy for.....lets face it....the tad pretentious and decaf drinkers shouldn't be wasting the Barista's time in the first place. Tall for the beginners, Grande for the rest of us and Venti for those who like their pick-me-up inconsumably large. But you don't walk out of the shop proudly holding your beverage because you made it past the order counter or because it's the trend, you hold it there for the world to see because it is a tiny reflection of yourself...........and you taste oh so yummy.

groceries and NSYNC

Colorado was your typical family vacation with the romantical perks of having my husband with me on this trip for the first time. I swiftly proceeded to get sick the day we left and have been on the couch for the past 2 days so now I am finally tackling vacation laundry, dishes and grocery shopping. I HATE grocery shopping because I despise lugging around the bags. I find myself quoting Monica Geller from the Thanksgiving episode every time I unload the car..."I'm a tiny little woman!" I thought the other day while watching some show on the E! network of a celebrity staying in a hotel suite entirely too extravagant for her one night stay, of what I would spend outrageous amounts of money on if I had the means to be so frivolous. It wouldn't be on fancy hotel rooms because quite frankly luxury hotels to me are ones that have granite counter tops in the bathroom and a well stocked mini bar. I'd spend money on flying in Taco Bueno if I happen to be somewhere so unfortunate not to have one. I would also drop every penny I have to reunite NSYNC and have them sing at my private party with myself as a back up dancer.....and of course someone to do my grocery shopping.

Lady Doctor

Today I went to get felt up, which means I had my annual lady doctor appointment. This is my third doctor to see, after my home doctor and the doctor I saw in my college town, I have made the observation that the waiting room is always made up of the same people. There is the married pregnant couple with the husband who couldn't look less enthused to be there, the pregnant mom who has 2 small children in tow and doesn’t require her husband to be at every appointment anymore so she’s wrangling the fussy tots herself, then there’s the couple who looks way too young to be having a baby sitting waiting with fear in their eyes. Then there’s me, drinking coffee because I’m the only one in the room still allowed to shoot up with caffeine waiting for my turn to renew my birth control prescription. I left the appointment with a pep in my step because my birth control came in a super cute dual-use case and who doesn’t love free stuff? I realized by the time I got home the reason I was so cheery was because that was the most girl talk I had had in months. I shot the breeze with the nurse for awhile and the doctor was so funny. It was so liberating just making jokes about being a girl again. When you’re married to the military you feel more like a wife and less like a woman most of the time.

anecdote.....

Including the wind chill the temperature outside is in the single digits. Knowing this would be the case I did my errands yesterday and am currently holed up inside away from the tundra drinking coffee in an attempt to get myself up to mop the floors.

Last night as the cold was moving in Ricky called me about 10:30PM requesting I bring him his jacket he forgot. By that time it was subzero outside so here is the talley of what I wore on my late night good wife deed.
-t shirt
-hoodie
-ski jacket
-fleece lined jogging pants
-knee high winter socks
-house shoes (not the best idea in hindsight)

It had been slowly misting for the past 2 hours and when its below zero outside that puts like a half inch of ice on everything.....who woulda thought?......not this Texas girl. So my rubber soled house shoes which I actually wore for traction where doing no such thing once I hit the sidewalk. But they are lined with really cute fur and super cozy so I didnt hold any resentment. Once to my car I had to pry the door open with both hands and at points one leg because it was iced shut and spent the next 20 minutes sitting inside defrosting the windsheild because i dont have an ice pick.....puhleese. I give myself 3 heart attacks driving the half mile to ricky because my car was skidding everwhere and once I reach my destination I had brought him the wrong jacket. Four more heart attacks later I get back home and begin to search only to be interrupted by a text......he had had it.......the whole time.

small victories

Today was filled with small victories for this newlywed housewife. I successfully made my very first batch of meatballs. After doing an initial search for simply "meatballs" online I found a recipe that required 4 different kinds of meat and spices I hadn't even heard of so I swiftly added "easy" in front of "meatballs" and found a recipe that called for only 5 ingredients, all of which I was familiar with. I'm still not good at portion size and ended up making 30 savory miniature spheres of beef so my next recipe search will be for "meatball leftover ideas." I also fixed my very first squeaky door with WD40. After correctly connecting the little straw to the spout it unfortunately took me a good step back and evaluation of the can to find the spray button. In my defence it was a new fancy-shmancy can that looked nothing like the WD40 my dad used. I didn't know where to spray it exactly so I decided any surface that was metal seemed like a good idea and was completely amazed when that high pitched twang faded into silence. I was so excited that I shouted into our bedroom where my husband was sleeping my achievement and demanded his praise and approval. Small victories are still victories.

lost cause?

I was watching a show on the History Channel today in which an archeologist from Britan by age 26 had dug in almost all of the world's most desirable sites and held not one, but two prestigious positions overseeing escavation in....from what this small town Texas girl deems....the most incredible places on Earth. I'm sitting there in my living room on my couch buried in blankets with my mouth agape at this man's achievements. Afer all, I am 25 and have been dreaming of such a life when he, by the time he was my age, had done it! His time was the first half of the 20th century and travel wasn't even easy or as accessible as it is now. I try to reason with myself why or what is holding me back. Did he have the money or the connections I don't have? Or just that envyable characteristic they call "charisma" that makes people fall at your feet with offerings of information, aid, guidence, sometimes even money and expecting nothing in return. Anthony Bourdain has this quality. He can befriend people who don't even speak his language and he leads such a well traveled, cultured existence with no fear. And there it is, the root of all my reasoning.....fear. I don't know why I am so scared but the wall that's there seems a hundred miles high. I do believe though, that as long as we never give up the want for adventure.....to experience more than what we have now........when the time is right we'll jump. One hundred miles high.

Men or shoes.....tough call

I read a survey the other day that said more women remember their favorite pair of shoes than the first guy they kissed. My thoughts are.......this makes perfect sense. If anyone reads these notes I write I guarantee you the girls are racking your brains right now but before you even get to the end of this sentence you would have already thought of your favorite pair of shoes.....and remember them fondly. Maybe I'm being synical but how many men can you remember and think of "fondly." Better yet, how many pairs of shoes in your closet appeared in the aftermath of those feelings. The same article said 95% of women regretted throwing out an old pair of shoes but did not regret dumping an old flame. This really brings the LOL's. If you read a lot of articles this probably isnt the first time you've heard men and shoes paired together or even compared to each other. The more I write this the more I feel that I'm ripping off an episode of Sex in the City. But I feel confident enough to say that for a woman they are ranked dangerously close on the scale. Some women need a few pairs to handle lots of men, others need lots just to cope with one. As for me, I need a good pair of heels just to reach mine.

facebook disgracebook

Facebook used to be a lot of fun but now it seems to be the bane of my existence. I long for the days when I actually talked to my 500 some-odd friends and had new pictures to post every week from all the parties my friends and I attended. These days my news feed is dominated by baby pictures and wedding albums which wouldnt bother me much if I had gotten to have a wedding and and I don't want kids right now so pictures of my friend's lovely offspring are fine just not on an hour-to-hour basis. But my new pet peeve with facebook are the status'.....especially those friends who post everyday how much they "love their life!." That's wonderful, really it is, but come on Charlotte York.....every day? The sad thing is the one thing I'm excited about my impending ski trip next week is that it will provide me all these things:new photos to post, a subject for my status', and more importantly.....a new profile pic.

I'm peeing in the ocean....

I am starting this blog in an effort to be proactive about my aspirations to be a writer but I am greatly discouraged by blogs because making yourself known online is like peeing in the ocean, your contribution doesn't make much difference. But I digress. I am a newly wed to the military and having not found work since we got married and having left my job to move to his military base I am re-evaluating my career goals. I went to college for radio and that was what I thought I was gonna do forever.......till I realized you make no money and the hours are terrible. I might as well have walked away with a degree in Art, well I did a "Bachelor of Arts." Oh the irony is overwhelming. So aside from feeling majorly boned in the career department I spend my days grocery shopping, cooking dinners, staying thin....or whatever good wives do. I am desperate to be working again because in the military you have no name, you are "the wife," and I think it's about time I got my name back.